So when Michelle gets home I suspect we'll have a fight. I want her to leave, I can't do this whole living together and just being friends thing and it's clear she has no intentions of fixing our relationship. I can't leave here, I'd loose all my art, my workshop, everything I've worked so hard on in the past ten years. There just isn't a chance I'll find another place big enough that I can afford. She doesn't want to leave because she's stubborn.
It's for the best. I need to be with an adult. I've had some bad fights with lovers before, but never with someone so cruel. Not content to fight over a subject at hand, she does her best to belittle me, to twist my insecurities, her maliciousness knows no bounds. A few weeks ago she tried to goad me into hitting her, she deserved it for sure, but I'm better then that.
I don't think I've ever regretted a relationship so much. I don't know what I was thinking when I asked her to live with me. That was damn stupid.
So last night I asked her if she could make some time to talk in the next few days and she tried to blow me off, I told her she didn't get a choice in it. She kept insisting I tell her why, there were guests over and I didn't want another public fight. She kept demanding to know so I told her I wanted her to leave and of course she flipped out.
I don't think tonight is going to be any better. At least now I have no lingering interest in even continuing our friendship.
I'm pretty messed up over this. I really wish I could run away for a few weeks.
Oc ye nechca...
I gotta pretty little mouth underneath all the foaming.
- (no subject)